Fertility - Starting again after a miscarriage

In August 2016 we suffered a miscarriage this affected every part of our lives. It kick started a downward spiral as we negated being grief stricken and heart broken. We just didn’t no how to communicate as a couple and generally did things that a grieving couple should have avoided.

My husband has been training to be an accountant for many years and had one more year till he qualified. We decided that he should just continue his studies and not take a break for himself. Although he carried on till the end it was a real struggle for us both to comfort each other as he had to study harder than he ever has. We also decided to start trying right away and we were no way ready to deal with the emotions that come with infertility. The constant negative tests and lack of cycles took a toll till we took the decision to take a break and concentrate on our mental health.

We are now in a better place my Bipolar is being treated with drugs and courses (currently waiting on therapy but that’s a complete mess of a rant about metal health services in the UK). Being medicated has changed me as a person and where I was unable to cry for a long time I can now show emotions more than I ever have and this has strangely helped to communicate my fears and worries to myself and Rich.

To get back into the place we were in 2016 before our miscarriage we need to make some changes in our diets and physical health as when dealing with the mental pain diet and exercise have gone out the window. Takeaways and junk food habits are hard to change so we are making very slow and small changes to loose the habits.

I am currently going back to the healthy plan I used back in 2015/16 and trying to increase my fruit and vegetable intake while weaning myself off sugar (serious sweet tooth caused by medication). I am hoping that summer hopefully on its way with the abundance of seasonal fruit and my favourite being berries are going to help. I want to get back into cooking meals from scratch and are looking for quick and simple meals to satisfy are hunger and takeaway cravings. One thing I did carry on is not drinking alcohol and caffeine (pretty proud of the caffeine as I have taken a liking to coffee recently)  

I am also back to taking my regular Vitamins of pre-natals and omega 3’s and so is Rich. Is there any other vitamins I should be taking? What time of the day do I take them?

I don’t no when or where this journey is going to end. I don’t no if we will succeed in becoming the family we crave however, we are more and more optimistic at the moment which is one step closer to mentally being in a good place.

Thanks for reading and baby dust to all xx

Life update and my diagnosis. (trigger warning)

Life Update

Where have I been? What have I been up to? Where did the last year go?

These are questions I have been asking myself recently and the answer is I do not no.

In the last 18 months I have been the lowest and highest I have ever been, I spent months in bed barely able to do my basic needs, I have put my family and friends through hell when I didn’t see a yesterday and tried to take my own life. I have had weeks when I have been flying so high making ridiculous plans that thankfully never happened and all the while spending money I don’t have. I am not the same person I once was and its scary.  

October last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder Type 2, and I am okay with that. It means I am finally able to get the help I have been needing for years. I understand myself more than I ever have and I am learning slowly to change habits that I have been using since I was a teenager.

I lost my job at the beginning of the year and for the 1^st time since I was 17 I have no routine and that’s weird. I need to find ways to spend each day without Youtube videos or Netflix taking over my life. When people ask me what are my hobbies are I usually rattle off reading, gaming and swimming however, I rarely do them. In all honesty I am at a bit of a crossroads in my life but none of the roads have a destination and I am going stir crazy with the 4 walls around me.

When I was 18 I had plans (those mainly were losing my virginity and dance till all hours) I wanted to be a nurse and find myself while travelling. Those plans disappeared. Did I disappear? Where did I go? What have I become?

I am currently 31 and I am having to start again like I am 18. I have no idea where this new road is going to take me and whether I will stick to it but if the last 18 months have taught me something it is that I am loved by a man who makes me happy, I have family that have a bit of understanding about me and friends who are always there to listen.

At the moment I am happy to be getting help and very confused about what is going to happen next. 

Thanks for reading xx

** I want to add the amazing service I have received in the past few months. The charity Mind have been so good with courses and a really good Bipolar group I just want to leave there website here in case anybody is in any need of there help. I have also added the Samaritans number and website just in case anyone is reading this in crisis and need someone to talk to. 

Mind - https://www.mind.org.uk/

Samaritans -   Call 116123 in the UK and ROI      https://www.samaritans.org/