Sunday, 5 January 2014

Can't sleep!!

Almost 1am in the morning and I am WIDE AWAKE!! So what to do when you can't sleep??? Read Facebook and think about everything going on in my head. So I am going write down every thought in my head and see if that helps with the bit sleeping. 

Firstly I have been casually reading my Facebook like i do about a 100 times a day (not even kidding I'm addicted) and I counted out of the people I went to school with I am one of 3 who dosn't have a child. I am 27 am I going to be an old mum?? Me and Richard have been trying for a baby since we went on honeymoon last May and now I notice every pregnant woman and catch myself watching more TTC videos on YouTube. I have never been jealous but wow wanting a baby makes me jealous of everyone. When we started to try I said to rich I am not going to be obsessed I am going to be relaxed and not put any pressure on myself. Well that lasted all of erm 1 month maybe. I always knew having a baby wasn't going to be easy and that I was the reason , I have polycystic overies and am overweight and over Christmas have eaten far too much. I keep looking at the scales pulling them out and putting them back away why is it the scariest number to look at? It's also the worst time of the year to feel fat because every advert on TV is about new starts and getting fitter and loosing weight.

I have a plan though I even brought a book lol (do people lol in blogs?). I have brought the ultimate PCOS handbook (written by Collete Harris and Theresa Cheung) and it's pretty good and a little bit over my head but I got to the second part total TLC for your body and the section on changing your diet sounds doable. In the book it explains the reason why people with PCOS gain weight and how to help with insulin resistance. It gives you 10 steps to take to make you healthier, it explains not to do all 10 at once and take one step at a time. So as of tomorrow I am going to start doing the 1st goal. 

The goal is to eat more often stagger your food intake so you eat every 3/4 hours to keep your sugar levels level and you don't go to bed having eaten a big meal or binge on a packet of biscuits before bed . I will stagger my meals by having breakfast as soon as I get up to get my metabolism started, having a snack at about 11, eating lunch around 2 have an afternoon snack at about 4 and having a light tea at about 7. The only person I am going to tell that is around me is Richard and he is being really supportive and going to do it aswell. I don't want to fail at something again and my family think oh yeah that's just kelly going through another "diet fad". 

I am also thinking about what kind of mum I am going to be. Me and my mum have never had the best relationship I am worried I am going to be like her. 

I want to be be mum who plays with her kids and shows them that I am there and I will be there whenever they need me and I certainly won't choose not to sit at the top table at there wedding. 

Ok just read that and this is a really long post best try and sleep. 

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